Canadian Double Dessert

The scorching sun gave way to the sacred Yarov rain, which may have baptised the cards but cranked the atmosphere up to the max. Players in unique jerseys and costumes lent the card clash an air of professionalism, and we were right there for it! What truly elevated the whole international tournament to a genuinely professional level, though, were the jerseys, costumes and insignia. It was precisely these that gave the players their air of professionalism and their distinctiveness.

The Battle for Ignác, or The Birth of Legends

Right from the first round it became clear this would be a merciless battle.

Table 1: Ruler of Sun and Desert

At table 1, Eddulla crushed his opponents with absolute supremacy and a 100% score, as if he’d baked himself a proper desert dessert out of “Ignác”.

Table 2: Where the harsh quips and players fall

At table 2, the first big heads rolled—first it was Paul who took it, and right behind him Cdr Riker, both of whom agreed they’d been “asking for it” from the very start.

Table 3: All or nothing!

It seems the players at table 3 were united by complete parity. Nobody dared break from the pack and the scores stayed perfectly level, so each of the players kept taking turns in the lead—right up until Marge bid the tournament farewell, and then Polda after her.

During a short break, Sir Ludwig, under the influence of traditional Doge music, gave himself over to dancing in the rain, while the players fortified themselves with Beroun Bear, home-made oasis cookies and Mongolian figs. Before long the second round was under way.

A hellish ride to the finals

In the battle over “Mrňús”, the tension was thick enough to cut.

After one of the many gruelling games, Anjelik had to let off steam, “This is awful! Here I have to count the whole time, I can’t relax for even a second! Yeah, I love it, it’s always surprising, but it’s awful! God!”

In the end it was Ruprecht who, with admirable staying power on match point, said goodbye to table 1, and soon after him Bloody Mary. To her complaint, "Well, that was a slide! The last four games I got dealt a low Hejm card!“, Anjelik guilelessly confessed with a simple” That was me!”

A philosophical truth then ran through the whole tournament—as they say around here, between heaven and the oasis — that “you’re playing against bloody random chance.” And that’s the truth, as everyone present confirmed, adding in unison: “At table 1 you simply couldn’t let up at all, constant attention!”

At table 2, Polda put in a heroic performance and long refused to collect penalty letters. Silence reigned there and the players were utterly absorbed in their cards. After the 11th round, Paul Von Reichenberg had to bid the players goodbye. Our editorial team had to admit it was simply "one good hit after another.“” Mrňús” then proudly welcomed Marge too, who declared with a smile that she felt no bitterness, had played well, and was pleased with her badges from the desert tournament.

At table 3 the players were battling not only the cards but also the fundamental challenge of every tournament: the afternoon fatigue and the need for sleep. Everyone was holding on bravely, but some already had little stars in their eyes instead of the letters of “Mrňús”. The first to step aside with a “Mrňús” badge was the Mongolian wolf Fenho. Next in line for elimination was Sir Ludwig, who was so taken aback by his defeat that he was lost for words! Receiving the badge from the Union President threw him more than any badly played “Mrňús” ever could. You could see he needed to catch his breath after a very narrow defeat and the fact that he hadn’t advanced to the finals.

For all the toil, it turned out that 80% isn’t enough for the finals, and so the elite advanced into the closing battle: Niti (with 89.655%), Eddulla, Augustyn, Anjelik, Auntie Catherine and Polda.

A concert of Pagáč

The rain stopped and let the organisers neatly move the final table into the middle of the open-air arena. The finals word was “Pagáč”. The players’ smiles vanished, replaced by a concentrated silence broken only by the uncontrolled burst of laughter from our reporter. Anjelik had committed a curious faux pas by sending Augustyn his cards face up. After the referee stepped in, there was a fresh deal, whereupon Anjelik lost the round with a humble addendum, “Fair enough.”

Adrenaline and cards on the edge

We caught up with Augustyn in the locker room for his thoughts on how the finals game was going, “I need something sweet! It’s hell! With the proper dose of adrenaline, it’s a must, especially when you get what we call cards on the edge.”

The SCWU president, in attendance, summed up the way the finals unfolded as follows, “They’re going at each other like cats and dogs, no mercy.”

In the 21st game, Eddulla became the first “Pagáč”. In the 22nd game he was followed by Polda, who once again bravely resisted stepping through the door marked EXIT.

And finally, in the 27th game, the drama reached its climax! The last “Pagáč” was claimed by Auntie Catherine, and the results were decided! Third place went to Anjelik, the silver spot—on better results after the group stage—was reached by Niti, and the outright champion was Augustyn!

Prizes you won’t forget

The prize-giving was ceremonial. For third place, Anjelik took home a home-grown courgette and Qatari sunflower crude oil. Niti received home-grown potatoes from the neighbouring oasis and a Beroun Bear. Augustyn was gifted the travelling Kočičák platter and home-made macarons, decorated with a Little Prince motif by the slaves from the neighbouring oasis. The consolation prize, a sack of manure (“local gold”), was carried off by Paul von Reichenberg.

And how did the winners feel once it was all over?

Exclusively for you, we bring you their words:

Anjelik, the bronze winner, told us spontaneously:

“It was hell today. It was hell on the road to Paradise.” How poetic and how precise!

Silver medallist Niti confided in us with enormous relief and joy in her voice:

“I’m as happy as if I’d swum across the English Channel.”

And the outright winner, Augustyn, told us in an exclusive interview:

“Most of all I’d highlight the Canadian success—this really is a fine addition to our season’s tally. I’m proud of my partner Niti. And for me personally it was a hell of a ride with Anjelik.”

To close, we also got the President of the Union’s assessment of the tournament for you: 

“The tournament was top quality, just as you’d have guessed from the entry list alone. We saw truly offensive play and the best man won—the favourite, really, who hadn’t won in a while, and it was only a matter of time before he returned to the spotlight. In this case it was a double win for Midgard!”

The players’ experience and skill mixed with Fate, which was ever-present in this game. And as Sir Ludwig, the aristocratic observer, remarked, 

“the final table is a bourgeois relic.”

Today’s report ends here, but the memories of this one-of-a-kind oasis won’t be forgotten any time soon!

Photo Report: Désert Dessert 2025 (Special Thanks to Jan Hübl)